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父母所能给予孩子们的最珍贵的礼物

by Mike Constantine

你无法用金钱买到,它远比珠宝更有价值

作为信仰基督教的父母,在养育孩子时,我们是否能确定某种特质是孩子 们所必需的呢?是的,我认为可以。让我们来读一段描述耶稣孩童发展 的诗:

“耶稣的智慧和身量,(身量 或作年纪)并神和人喜爱他的心,都一齐增长。”(《路加福音》2:52 NIV)

伴随耶稣成长的第一特质是什么?智慧。除智慧之外父母还能要求些什么 呢?只要拥有智慧,任何人都将成为一个完整、成熟的个体—一位懂得尊重上帝和祝福世界的年轻人。

聪明和明智有很大区别。现在有很多组织努力培养聪明的孩子,但是再想 想:如果一个人不知道该如何生活,那么教育的意义何在?高分是否就 能保证一个孩子成为一个成功的人?我们不是都知道有些聪颖、能干的人根本不知道如何生活吗?他们的脑子里有各种知识,但他们生活地多么轻率、随便。他们可 能曾经是班级上的前几名,但是由于缺少智慧,最终沉入谷底。

记住:父母有责任养育智慧的孩子。教师当然也能帮忙,但是我们应视教 师们为协助者,而不是主体。作为父母,我们应该担负起养育智慧孩子 的责任,否则没有人会去做。你够明智吗?你了解孩子们需要智慧吗?

想想你最羡慕的那些人,他们可能很聪明,可能很有才干。然而,那是你 羡慕他们的原因吗?多半不是。你羡慕那些人知道如何更好地生活,如 何管理他们的生活。他们可以与不同的人一起生活;他们很少树敌;他们知道什么是真正珍贵的,什么只是显得珍贵而已。对智者来说,成功的含义远不止他们所知 道的,他们所拥有的,他们所能做的。他们知道如何生活,而正是这种智慧让我们羡慕。

智慧是成功生活的科学

所罗门王拥有一切。他是如此英俊,聪明!得到了最好的教育,来自最好 的的家族,他的财务状况让人惊讶。然而,在拥有如此巨大的资产后, 所罗门认为自己能留给子女最宝贵的财产是智慧。听听他在箴言篇中写给子女的文章:

众子阿,要听父亲的教训,留心得知聪明。因我所给 你们的,是好教训。不可离弃我的法则。我在父亲面前为孝子,在母亲 眼中为独一的娇儿。父亲教训我说,你心要存记我的言语,遵守我的命令,便得存活。要得智慧,要得聪明。不可忘记,也不可偏离我口中的言语。不可离弃智慧, 智慧就护卫你。要爱他,他就保守你。智慧为首。所以要得智慧。在你一切所得之内,必得聪明。高举智慧,他就使你高升。怀抱智慧,他就使你尊荣。(《箴言》 4:1-8, NIV)

他继续写了另五章,同样的风格。显然,所罗门已经了解了智慧的价值。 他收集的箴言是他留给子孙后代最珍贵的礼物,那是通往成功生活之门 的箴言,是无价之宝。

如此的智慧不会轻易得来。所罗门从他的父亲大卫处继承了一部分,但大 多数是从艰难的个人经历中得到。他为智慧付出了高昂的代价,并作为 遗产留给了儿子们。我们的孩子能从我们这里得到这样的遗产吗?还是他们只会继承到财物和高等教育?这个世界充满了拥有一切的年轻人,但都不知道怎么去使用 所拥有的一切。

你不能用教数学的方式去教人智慧。在许多亚洲学校,教书就是机械记 忆。练习到你非常熟悉教材,甚至能流利背诵为止。学习数学也许可以, 但是智慧,不行。你可以教给孩子生活原则,象所罗门所做的那样,但是真正的学习需要的日复一日的生活中进行。遗憾的是,由于家长们生活忙碌,他们错过了在 日常生活中教授孩子明智生活的机会。

正如一位家庭咨询师所说,这样的机会通常是突然出现的,

“在现实生活中,孩子们,特别是青少年,不愿意被迫与父母谈话。他们希望父母能在家里或在车里准备好倾听,而不是在方便的时候将他们 的想法、反应和情绪加在孩子身上。对于压力过大的父母亲来说,很难创造这种轻松的环境,特别是在这样的规律下:当我们承受的压力过大,就会变的更加自我。 ”(派翠莎,道尔顿《抚养误区》,1997年7月20日发表于华盛顿邮报。)

何为智慧?智慧是成功生活的科学。它让人思考,什么是生活中最重要的?我应该如何用钱?我应该如何正确地维系与 家人、朋友和周围其他人的关系?我应该如何照顾自己的情绪,我的身体,灵魂?我如何才能做出正确的决定?”学校教室里很少会涉及此类 主题。

如果我们自己都还没学会智慧,那怎么去教别人?我们中的许多人从父母 处继承了一些坚定的想法,但是其中可能有一些不是太明智的想法。你 也许会想,“如果我自己都没有这些好的、神圣的价值观,我如何能传给我的孩子?”我理解你的担心。你也许会回顾 自己的过去,象我一样,怀疑自己如何能抚养智慧的孩子。因此,你觉得自我不足。下面有些好消息:

好 消息!现在任何需要智慧和诚心企求的人都可以得到智慧。《圣 经》上说任 何缺乏智慧的人都可以祈祷上帝赐予。“若你需要智慧——若你想知道上帝之思,应当询问,主 将乐意回答,也不会斥责于你。”

好 消息!完美是不必要的,也是不可能的。只要你诚心相待,上帝 将帮助你克 服你的不完美。请求他的帮助吧!

“上帝啊,感谢您塑造了一个全新的我,一个全新的父亲(母亲)。请将您的智慧教于我,我便能教于我的子女。我向您坦白我的不足,并企 求您赐予力量来克服它们。感谢您对我和我的孩子们的仁爱,您的爱改变了我们的生活。”

SC-PP-A Parent’s Greatest Gift

Filed Under: SC, SC-PP Tagged With: wisdom

A Parent’s Greatest Gift

by Mike Constantine

As parents, can we identify one special quality that we should aim for in raising our children? Yes, I think we can. Let’s look at a verse that describes the childhood development of Jesus:

“Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” (Luke 2:52, New Living Translation)

What is the first quality that Jesus grew in? Wisdom. What parents could ask for more than that? Any person who has wisdom will become a complete, mature individual– a young man or woman ready to bless the world and honor God.

There’s a big difference between being smart and being wise. Presently many societies work really hard to produce smart children. But, consider. What good is an education if a person doesn’t know how to live? Can top grades guarantee a child’s success as a human being? Haven’t we all known intelligent, gifted people who didn’t know how to live? They had a brain stuffed with information, but they lived reckless, thoughtless lives. They may have been at the top of their class, but because they lacked wisdom they sank to the bottom of the barrel.

Remember: parents have the responsibility to raise wise kids. Teachers can help, but parents need to see teachers as assistants, not as substitutes. As parents we must approach the task of raising wise children as though no one else will do it. Are you wise enough to see your child’s need for wisdom?

Think for a moment about the people you most respect. They may be smart; they may be talented. Nevertheless, are those your reasons for respecting them? Probably not. You respect people who know how to live wisely and manage their lives well. They know how to live in a society with people different from themselves. They make few enemies. To the wise, success is much more than what they know, what they have, and what they can do. They know how to live, and that wisdom gains our admiration.

King Solomon had it all. Such a handsome, intelligent man! He had the best education. He came from the best of families. His financial portfolio was extremely impressive. Yet with all his assets, Solomon considered wisdom the most valuable legacy he could give his children. Listen to him as he writes to his children in the book of Proverbs:

“Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, ‘Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.’

“Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.

“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.” (Proverbs 4:1-8, NIV)

Clearly, Solomon had learned the high value of wisdom. His collection of Proverbs is the most wonderful gift he left to his children, and to us. It is a priceless collection of wise principles for successful living.

True wisdom never comes cheaply. Solomon inherited much of his wisdom from his father, David. Yet much of it came from difficult personal experiences, too. He paid the high price for wisdom, and left what he learned as a legacy to his sons. Will our children receive such a legacy from us? Or will they only inherit possessions and an intellectual education? The world’s cities are full of young people who have it all, but aren’t wise enough to use it.

You cannot teach children wisdom in the same way you teach them mathematics. In many schools much of the teaching is by rote memory. Drill until you know the material so well that you can repeat it without error. Fine for mathematics, but wisdom is different. You can give a child the principles, like Solomon did, but the real teaching takes place in day-to-day life. Unfortunately, because many parents have such busy lives, they miss the opportunities that repeatedly occur to teach their child to live wisely.

Such opportunities usually happen spontaneously. As one family counselor says,

“In real life, children – especially teenagers – don’t talk to their parents on demand. Children like to have their parents in the background at home or in the car before they come forward with their thoughts, reactions and feelings. It’s hard for stressed-out parents to develop this kind of relaxed atmosphere, especially since it’s a law of life that we become more self-centered when we are overburdened.”
(Patricia Dalton, The Parent Trap. Article appeared in The Washington Post, July 20, 1997)

What is Wisdom?

Wisdom is the science of successful living. What is most important in life? How should I use money? How do I maintain good relationships with my family, my friends, and my world? How do I care for my mind, my body – my soul? How do I make good decisions? They seldom teach such things in the school room.

If we have not learned wisdom, how can we teach it? Many of us may have received some sound insights from our parents, but we might have inherited some very unwise ideas as well. Perhaps you think, “How can I raise my children with good, godly values when I didn’t get them as a child?”

I can understand your concern. Perhaps you look at your past, as I did, and wonder how you could ever raise wise children. You feel insufficient for the task.

God’s Good News

Good News! Wisdom is currently available to all who need it and heartily ask for it. The Bible says that anyone who lacks wisdom can ask God to give it. “If you need wisdom—if you want to know what God wants you to do—ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking.” (James 1:5, TEV)

Good News! You don’t have to be a perfect parent. In fact, you can’t be! God will help you overcome your imperfections if you’re honest about them. Ask for His help.

“Father God, thank you for making me a new person and a new parent. Teach me your wisdom so I can teach my children your wisdom. I confess my imperfections to you and pray for your strength to overcome them. Thank you for your love for me and for my children. Your love is changing our lives.”

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: wisdom

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