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Spiritual Intimacy

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The Power Core

All your life as a couple will be influenced by the vitality and centrality of your spiritual life. Because of that, your relationship with God should be more than a compartment of your marriage, like one room in your house. Your relationship with God should be the core of your lives and the core of your marriage.

It’s like the nucleus of an atom. The nucleus keeps the particles that surround it in their proper orbits. Without it, there is no atom. Likewise, our connection with God holds the facets of our lives together in proper balance. Then every part of our marriage will show the transforming power and influence of our relationship with God through Christ Jesus.

But we must choose, for having our relationship with God at the center of our life and our marriage doesn’t happen automatically.

Three Possible Cores

Imagine three men wearing t-shirts. The first man is wearing a bright red t-shirt with one word in large letters on the front. It says, ME. The second man is wearing a beige t-shirt with the word, THEM. The third man is wearing a white t-shirt with the word, GOD.

For the first man the central question of life is “What will please me?” When we live only to answer that question, when it is the prime motivator of our life, we become self-centered. You can see what damage that orientation could have in a marriage. Self-centered people know little about love. They will sacrifice true unity to get what they want. They are takers, not givers. With this orientation marriage becomes a battle of wits, with each partner trying to out-maneuver the other.

For the second man, the central question of life becomes “What will please them?” Pleasing others can be a noble impulse for our actions, but as the prime motivator of our life it is really no better than the first question. Motivated by this question we become people who would sacrifice our convictions and our relationships just to ensure acceptance by “them,” whoever “them” might be. It is dangerous for you, and for your marriage.

Now let’s look at the third man. For him the central question of life is, “What will please God?” When that becomes our central question, and we live to answer it, our lives develop focus and peace. God created each of us to live lives that answer that question through our attitudes, actions, and relationships. That is our destiny. And we only experience true fulfillment when we know our true destiny.

Leo Tolstoy, the renowned Russian author, had come to such a place of desperation in his life that the thought of suicide plagued him. Tolstoy was prosperous, learned, a member of a privileged class, yet he could find no real reason for his existence. To the question, “What is the meaning of life?” he had no satisfying answer. He lived in that unsettled condition until he was in his fifties. Then, after years of searching, he found meaning and a reason for his life in Christ.

Can We Really Know What Pleases God?

You might think, “How can we know what would please God? He’s way up there, and we are just tiny humans.” Good news! God has provided all that we need to live a life that pleases him.

He sent Jesus to die for us, raised him from death, and made him King of everything, forever. When we believe in Jesus we become new persons. If we allow it, the power of that newness works its way into every segment of our lives, transforming our attitudes, actions, and relationships . . . our whole outlook.

We have other resources, too. God puts His Spirit in us to enable us to live a life that pleases Him, blesses others, and brings us a level of fulfillment that we can have in no other way. He has given us the Bible, a handbook for living a life that pleases God. And He connects us with other believers so that we build each other up and help each other along.

With the right question at the core of our lives, and with the wonderful resources that God has given us, we can live lives that please God no matter what circumstances we are in. Our marriages will be healthier and we will be happier. Even more, others will experience the benefits, for when we pursue God’s Kingdom the effect reaches our children, our friends and neighbors, our colleagues, and our churches.

Will you, right now, make pleasing God the central motivation of your life? And will you, as a couple, make the same decision? You may both be believers in Jesus, but perhaps you have locked him in a room of your relationship. You don’t allow him to influence all of your marriage. Give him the place of influence only he deserves. Make Jesus your nucleus. You will see the dramatic difference in your lives and your marriage.

The apostle Paul had much to say about pleasing God. I have arranged some of his statements together, for the purpose of impact, in the following paragraph:

“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Our aim is to please him always, whether we are here in this body or away from this body. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ, who died and was raised for them. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and you will continually do good, kind things for others. All the while, you will learn to know God better and better. For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him.

Caring for the Core

The spiritual core of our lives and marriages needs care and development. How do we do that? How do we strengthen our desire to please God? The answer is through practicing spiritual disciplines. Now, please! Don’t let that word scare you. I am not suggesting legalism. As Dallas Willard says, disciplines are simply the things we do to make it possible to achieve a goal.

Every valuable accomplishment results from disciplines. If you ever won an important race, you won because you trained. If you got good exam results, you got them because you studied. If you play an instrument well enough that others want to hear you, it’s because you practiced. Farmers practice disciplines to get a good yield from their seed. And every battle is won because the soldiers trained for victory.

Our goal is to have a strong relationship with God, through Christ, at the core of our lives and our marriage. Spiritual disciplines help keep the desire to please God strong in us. People who practice them find that thinking, acting, and speaking in a way that pleases God becomes their custom.

Foundational Spiritual Exercises

Personal Prayer and Supportive Prayer

  • Have some personal time with God every day.
  • Pray together if you can, but if you cannot, at least pray for one another.
  • Use Scriptures to pray for each other, asking God’s blessing on your husband or wife in every area of his or her life.
  • Pray for health as well as healing, constant freedom from past hurts, ongoing development of spiritual gifts and God-given abilities, and growth in wisdom.
  • Pray with thanksgiving and pray believing God will make a difference.
  • When you make decisions, especially big ones, agree to pray about it for a set time. God will help you know what is best.

Practice God’s Presence

Remember that Jesus said, “I am with you always.” You are, everyday of your life, surrounded by God’s presence. Sometimes you are more aware of His presence, but he is always near. Turn your thoughts to him frequently throughout the day.

Study and Meditate in the Word of God

God’s Word will renew our minds and help us understand God’s will. It will nourish us like good food nourishes our bodies. It will cleanse our minds, help us to live for what is really important, and equip us for involvement in God’s work. As Paul said, “Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.” (Colossians 3:16, New Living Translation)

Be a Part of a Loving, Biblically Sound Local Church

As a couple you will need time with other couples who are living for God’s glory. A loving, biblically sound local church provides just the right environment for you to grow as a couple.

It also gives you a place to discover the special ways God wants to use you. Every man and woman bring their own gifts and talents to the marriage relationship. In marriage God blends our gifts and talents, but we maintain our individuality.

With the right core and with a mutual determination to care for that core, you and your spouse will become all God wants you to be. You will bless many others, and your life will shine with Christ’s light. That’s a promise!

Understanding Intimacy

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Have you ever met a couple whose marriage seemed to glow, even in the common, everyday times? Intimacy creates that glow. It is the warm core of every successful marriage.

But Martin and Janice (not their real names) are not that couple. Married more than 15 years, yet constantly drifting apart. Now it looks like their marriage might end. The reason? Lost intimacy.

Sadly, many couples have lost their intimacy. Some never even had any intimacy to lose. Instead of a warm glow, they experience a constant chill. And, like cold people everywhere, they cover up to protect themselves.

In a survey of married couples, family therapist Stuart Johnson emphasized the importance of intimacy to a successful marriage. He found that all the happily married couples he surveyed had developed healthy intimacy in four vital areas:

  • Verbal intimacy: talking together and understanding each other
  • Action intimacy: doing things together that you both enjoy
  • Problem-solving intimacy: finding wise, workable solutions to common challenges
  • Sexual intimacy: sexual love that stimulates and satisfies both of you

As a follower of Jesus, I would add another vital expression of intimacy to those four

  • Spiritual intimacy: a unified love for God and desire to please Him in every way.

All married couples experience intimacy differently, depending on their personality, lifestyle, stage of life, and even their culture. But you will find most of those qualities in every satisfying marriage.

If intimacy can do so much for a marriage, why do so many couples fail to experience it? That is a big topic, but here is the short answer: couples do not experience intimacy because intimacy is neither easy nor automatic.

Intimacy is a challenge, something that takes time, attention, and flexibility. But today many couples are just too overwhelmed to give their marriage the time it needs, and too insecure to change. The problem is not new. In fact, it is as old as the human race. Look at the story of Adam and Eve.

Here is a synopsis of the story: God created man and woman in perfect innocence. He made them to live together as one flesh — a condition unique to marriage and the closest possible expression of human intimacy. Although they were naked, absolutely uncovered to each other, they felt no shame and no need to hide. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it? It was. But not for long.

According to the story, God wanted genuine people, not programmable robots. So He created that first couple with the capacity to make choices, whether good or bad. There was one tree, just one, that was off limits.

Did you ever tell a child that there was one thing he may not touch, then leave the room? He cannot stand it! He just has to touch the untouchable. It was the same for Mr and Mrs Adam.

The moment Adam and Eve tasted that forbidden fruit, they felt an emotion they had never before known. That emotion was shame. It made them want to cover themselves, to hide from one another and even from God.

Can you see the difference? Before they ate, intimacy was automatic. They had no reason to hide and nothing to fear. After they ate it, shame came, and with it suspicion and separation. What once came easily, without a worry or a question, now became so difficult it must have seemed impossible.

No one knows the intimate details of Adam and Eve’s relationship. We don’t know how they talked, or laughed, or made love. But we can easily see that the forbidden fruit brought great changes to every part of their marriage.

Try to imagine feeling shame for the first time. It isn’t easy, for we have never known the pristine innocence of that first man and woman. To some extent we all live in hiding, fearful to let anyone know us completely.

People are starving for true intimacy. But there are forces in us that frustrate our attempts to nurture it. That is the human condition. Too often what we want and need, we fear and resist. In fact, in our hearts we fear, and often expect, rejection. Psychologist Paul Gilbert describes shame as “… an extreme form of the fear of the loss of approval.”

Shame leads to suspicion. We find it hard to trust and constantly wonder what others really think of us. And, since shame and suspicion tend to cause isolation, we find ourselves withdrawing from each other, becoming separated. Yet at the same time we long for intimate connections that will nurture us.

Shame, suspicion, and separation. These three obstacles to intimacy form the basis of our fears in any relationship, whether with God, friends, or spouses. Now perhaps we understand why intimacy is so difficult to develop and maintain.

Like children playing hide and seek, but not sure if we really want to come out from our hiding places, we are afraid to reveal ourselves.

That brings me to your marriage. Marriage is meant to be a relationship that is so secure, and so healing, that both partners become better and healthier because of it.

In other words, marriage is supposed to be a secure relationship that makes both partners better people.

Think, Act, Pray

1. Early in your marriage, which type of intimacy was easiest for you and your spouse?

2. Which type of intimacy has been the most difficult for you to develop and sustain?

3. Think about some of the ways you have seen the effects of shame, suspicion and separation in your marriage. What are some ways those three conditions frustrate intimacy in your marriage?

我可以和不信教者約會嗎？

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對於基督教徒，上帝的旨意是永遠，永遠都不要和非教徒約會或結婚。其 中理由有很多，但最重要的是生活基準（即我們崇拜誰或什麼）的基本 對立，這是核心問題。不是因為多英俊或多可愛；不是因為他多富有或他開什麼樣的車。是他（她）崇拜誰或什麼？如果和你約會的人崇拜的不是你的上帝，或者只 是完全崇拜上帝，那麼遲早你會被要求放棄你的信仰。你不想這樣，是不是？如果你不想，那麼不要和不愛上帝或愛其他勝於上帝的人約會或結婚。

有學生提出這樣的問題：“如果我們不和不信教者 約會，那麼他們是否會對我們感到失望？是否應該和他們約會，從而讓 他們也信奉基督呢？”

沒有所謂的福音傳道約會。你不是上帝用於誘人上鉤的誘餌。你應是傳教 士。而且，你所提出的方法不會奏效。通常可能發生的情況是，不信教 者將信教者拖入罪孽並妥協，而不是信教者將不信教的男友或女友拖入教堂。相信我所說的。雖然非基督徒們對我們失望，他們還是得接受事實。我們的目的是要取 悅上帝，而不是人。

在結束這個問題之前，我還要再提一件事情。你可以用這個問題去解釋一 段關係，在內心深處你是清楚的，這段關係對你自己來說不是好事，也 無法取悅上帝。誠實地面對自己和上帝，否則他將無法幫助你。

當然我們還是要對那些不瞭解基督的人友好，關懷他們，但這並不意味著 應該和他們約會或開始一段感情。你說你不會陷入感情？哈，你會的， 那是不可避免地，就象那些以色列人和外國婦女一樣，還有他們可怕的神。

一切都從一次拜訪開始。他們去看迦南人、希提人、摩押人的生活如何（開玩笑！），拜訪後他們心想，“這真不錯！& rdquo; 這些迦南女人！哇噢！她們身上有種特別的東西，讓她們充滿異國情調，不象我們希伯萊女人，那麼樸素！那麼規矩！那麼乏味！ （見《出埃及記》34:11-16中警言）

不久，他們便臣服于那些不敬愛上帝的女人的魅力，一旦臣服，他們便放 棄了信仰。難堪的一幕！他們中有些人花了很久才能重回上帝的懷抱， 另一些人則沒有辦到。

《聖經》中有一個詞描述這種罪：末命而作。（《詩篇》19:13）我 來說說我對這個詞的定義，末命而作是將自己與上帝的旨意分離，從而 陷入精神、情感或肉體上的危險。我說是“與上帝的旨意分離”是因為有時因為我們會由於遵從上帝的旨意而陷入危 險。按照上帝的旨意，約瑟夫效命於波提乏，然而卻陷入潛在性危險，因為波提乏夫人是一個性饑渴的女人，她想讓約瑟夫成為供自己玩樂的工具。最終，約瑟夫不 得不捍衛名譽而離開。（見《創世紀》39:6-18）

與不信教者約會是上帝旨意之外的危險。當我們與不願獻身於基督的人約 會，我們就是在犯末命而作之罪。現在你知道了，那麼，你會怎麼做？ 怎麼樣，你的決定如何？在你還能夠控制的時候就遠離危險吧！如果你現在還沒有陷入這種危險，繼續保持。獨自在家比與不信教者約會要安全。

“你不明白，”你說到。“我知道我的男朋友不是基督徒，但是他人真的很好。事實上他比上次 我約會的那個基督徒好多了。”我同意這樣的事情是有可能的。不是所有基督徒的舉止都象真正的基督徒，有些人說他們敬愛基督，但行為卻 不如此。但是這並不意味著所有基督徒都放棄了自己的原則。你與不信教者之間的基本對立還是存在，這是事實。而這種對立像太平洋一樣寬、一樣深。

既然《聖經》中對此問題有如此清晰的闡述，我們必須相信上帝對此是嚴 肅的。如果聖父說，“不要做！他一定是知道我們做了便會陷入危險。

TC CfL Can I Choose an Unbeliever?

我可以和不信教者约会吗？

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对于基督教徒，上帝的旨意是永远，永远都不要和非教徒约会或结婚。其 中理由有很多，但最重要的是生活基准（即我们崇拜谁或什么）的基本 对立，这是核心问题。不是因为多英俊或多可爱；不是因为他多富有或他开什么样的车。是他（她）崇拜谁或什么？如果和你约会的人崇拜的不是你的上帝，或者只 是完全崇拜上帝，那么迟早你会被要求放弃你的信仰。你不想这样，是不是？如果你不想，那么不要和不爱上帝或爱其他胜于上帝的人约会或结婚。

有学生提出这样的问题：“如果我们不和不信教者 约会，那么他们是否会对我们感到失望？是否应该和他们约会，从而让 他们也信奉基督呢？”

没有所谓的福音传道约会。你不是上帝用于诱人上钩的诱饵。你应是传教 士。而且，你所提出的方法不会奏效。通常可能发生的情况是，不信教 者将信教者拖入罪孽并妥协，而不是信教者将不信教的男友或女友拖入教堂。相信我所说的。虽然非基督徒们对我们失望，他们还是得接受事实。我们的目的是要取 悦上帝，而不是人。

在结束这个问题之前，我还要再提一件事情。你可以用这个问题去解释一 段关系，在内心深处你是清楚的，这段关系对你自己来说不是好事，也 无法取悦上帝。诚实地面对自己和上帝，否则他将无法帮助你。

当然我们还是要对那些不了解基督的人友好，关怀他们，但这并不意味着 应该和他们约会或开始一段感情。你说你不会陷入感情？哈，你会的， 那是不可避免地，就象那些以色列人和外国妇女一样，还有他们可怕的神。

一切都从一次拜访开始。他们去看迦南人、希提人、摩押人的生活如何 （开玩笑！），拜访后他们心想，“这真不错！ ”这些迦南女人！哇噢！她们身上有种特别的东西，让她们充满异国情调，不象我们希伯莱女人，那么朴素！那么规矩！那么乏味！ （见《出埃及记》34:11-16中警言）

不久，他们便臣服于那些不敬爱上帝的女人的魅力，一旦臣服，他们便放 弃了信仰。难堪的一幕！他们中有些人花了很久才能重回上帝的怀抱， 另一些人则没有办到。

《圣经》中有一个词描述这种罪：末命而作。（《诗篇》19:13）我 来说说我对这个词的定义，末命而作是将自己与上帝的旨意分离，从而 陷入精神、情感或肉体上的危险。我说是“与上帝的旨意分离”是因为有时因为我们会由于遵从上帝的旨意而陷入危 险。按照上帝的旨意，约瑟夫效命于波提乏，然而却陷入潜在性危险，因为波提乏夫人是一个性饥渴的女人，她想让约瑟夫成为供自己玩乐的工具。最终，约瑟夫不 得不捍卫名誉而离开。（见《创世纪》39:6-18）

与不信教者约会是上帝旨意之外的危险。当我们与不愿献身于基督的人约 会，我们就是在犯末命而作之罪。现在你知道了，那么，你会怎么做？ 怎么样，你的决定如何？在你还能够控制的时候就远离危险吧！如果你现在还没有陷入这种危险，继续保持。独自在家比与不信教者约会要安全。

“你不明白，”你说到。“我知道我的男朋友不是基督徒，但是他人真的很好。事实上他比上次 我约会的那个基督徒好多了。”我同意这样的事情是有可能的。不是所有基督徒的举止都象真正的基督徒，有些人说他们敬爱基督，但行为却 不如此。但是这并不意味着所有基督徒都放弃了自己的原则。你与不信教者之间的基本对立还是存在，这是事实。而这种对立像太平洋一样宽、一样深。

既然《圣经》中对此问题有如此清晰的阐述，我们必须相信上帝对此是严 肃的。如果圣父说，“不要做！ 他一定是知道我们做了便会陷入危险。

SC CfL Can I Choose an Unbeliever?

Spiritual Leader of the Family

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Penang

A wave of excitement has gripped the home of Arthur and Mary Chua in this seaside paradise following the realization by the happy couple that Mr. Chua had assumed the spiritual leadership of his home. Observers have been unanimous in their reports that a new peace and joy permeate the Chua home.

In an exclusive interview with this reporter, Arthur and Mary share a first-hand report of this transformation that has amazed their friends and baffled their enemies.

Reporter: Arthur, how did it all begin?

Arthur: My wife and I became Christians several years ago, but after attending a seminar at my church on how to have a successful marriage, I realized that I was not doing a good job of being the spiritual leader of my home. Because of that, our home atmosphere was often very tense.

Reporter: Was this the first time you ever felt like a failure as a spiritual leader?

Arthur: Actually, I felt that I was failing in this matter all my Christian life. My pastor preached sermons about it; my wife borrowed books on the role of the husband and left them near my chair. But I always felt inferior . . . as though my wife was the more spiritual one and I would never catch up with her.

Reporter: Why did you think that?

Arthur: “For one thing, my wife became a Christian before I did. I really gave her a hard time. She was different, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. She didn’t want to go to the club or the disco with me; she seemed like a another person. I tell you, I made life miserable for her! I tried to force her to go with me to those parties and clubs, and when she pleaded with me to not make her go, I accused her of being a useless wife. That always made her cry, for though I didn’t know it at the time, she was praying for the Lord to help her be the best wife she could be. I never hit her, but I was very cruel with my words.”

When I became a Christian, I remembered all those times I had acted so badly to her, and thought that I was not worthy to be the spiritual leader of our home.

Reporter: Were there other reasons?

Arthur: Yes. It seemed that she was so far ahead of me in her walk with the Lord. How could I be the spiritual leader when she was the older Christian? Another thing: after I became a Christian I did not have the time to attend as many meetings and Bible Studies as my wife did, and I am not as outspoken as she is. It seemed that she would always be the more spiritual one.

Reporter: When did you start to see the change?

Mary: Let me answer that question!

Arthur: I told you she was more outspoken. (Laughter.)

Mary: Sorry, Arthur. I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I think that I can say something important about that. You see, the first change had to come in me. I realized that all my efforts to make Arthur take the lead in the home were just making it harder for him to do so. I determined that I would ask the Lord to help me to be a more submissive wife.

I confessed to the Lord that I had been trying to force Arthur be the leader, and that I was trying to manipulate him. (I’ve always had a problem with that, haven’t I Arthur?)

Arthur: No comment. (More laughter.)

Mary: Anyway, I asked the Lord to help me to be a more quiet wife. And He did! But it was hard. Instead of telling Arthur what I thought, I tried to ask him what he thought about things.

Reporter: You gave him the privilege of stating his opinion about things first?

Mary: Yes, that’s right. It was hard! I prayed that the Lord would help me guard my lips, and I also asked him to change my heart so that I could trust Arthur as my spiritual leader. I stopped making him feel guilty for not attending prayer meetings because of his work, and I encouraged him to pray and fellowship with the Lord in ways that would fit his schedule.

Reporter: Mr. Chua, what was happening on your side?

Arthur: It was a miracle! Not a sudden miracle, but a gradual miracle. I think that’s what I would call it. I remember the first time my wife asked my opinion instead of telling me what we should do. It was about a video we rented. There was a very sexy part in it that was making us both feel uncomfortable. Normally, my wife would say, “That’s not pleasing to the Lord! We must turn it off! But this time she just turned to me and said very quietly, “Arthur, do you think we should be watching this?”

Reporter: And you took the lead and turned the offensive video off?

Arthur: Not right away. But when my wife went to make tea I thought about it. And then I turned it off. It was good to know that I had made my first real decision as a spiritual leader. It was a small thing, but it started me on the way. When I knew that it was my responsibility and I accepted it, I became much more careful about all the things we watch and listen to in our home.

Reporter: Are there ever disagreements about your decisions as the spiritual leader?

Arthur: Yes, of course. And at first I would get angry when my leadership was questioned. But I soon realized that being the leader doesn’t mean always being right, it means listening to the other family members and considering their opinions as well as my own. Then I may change my decision based on their views. Even a leader must have a submissive spirit.

Mary: But in spite of the difficulties, our home has really changed as I have allowed Arthur to be our spiritual leader and as he has accepted that leadership.

Reporter: In the few minutes we have left, can you tell our readers about some other ways that you exercise your spiritual leadership?

Arthur: Well…I am learning how to pray for my wife and children. Often my prayers for them are quiet, but I now know that the Holy Spirit is the one who has put those prayers in my heart. And another thing, I am learning to admit my mistakes and weaknesses and ask my family to pray for me. As they see my honesty, they become more honest about their needs.

Mary: Don’t forget to tell them about the healing, Arthur.

Arthur: Oh yes! Thank you, Mary, for reminding me. When our second child was born earlier this year, he had a deformity in his foot. The doctor said that he would have to wear a metal brace for about two years to correct it. But Mary and I prayed and believed the Lord to heal the foot. We noticed that it was straightening, little by little, and today it is perfectly normal!

Reporter: And this has something to do with your spiritual leadership?

Arthur: Yes. You see, before I took my responsibility and Mary acknowledged me as the spiritual leader of our home, there was no real unity between us. We were both Christians, of course, but the tension kept us from walking in real agreement. But now, we enjoy our unity and stand together in the Lord. We do not see one another as more or less spiritual. Rather, we encourage each other. In this way, we can stand against the Evil One when he attacks.

Reporter: Mary, any final words to our readers?

Mary: I want to say once again that in many ways the whole change began in me. When I stopped being so demanding and stopped acting more spiritual than my husband, it gave him the freedom to change. That’s what Christ gives all of us…the freedom to change!

The freedom to change. What a marvelous thing Christ does in our lives when He becomes our Lord. He saves us, not just from hell, but also from ourselves. And he gives us the freedom to change.

(a fictional story by Mike Constantine. Although the characters are not real people they represent a real possibility.)

Who’s in Charge Here?
Authority in the Home

Please read Ephesians 5:21-33

Please also read Local Man Becomes Spiritual Leader

1. Who was the head of the home you grew up in?

  1. Mother
  2. Father
  3. Both together
  4. An extended family member
  5. There was no discernable leader

2. When faced with a difficult situation, who made the final decision?

3. Would you be happy if your marriage followed the same authority model as your father and mother? If not, what would you change?

4. How do you see the role of husband and wife?

  1. He is the head. She is under him.
  2. They are both equal in every way.
  3. They have equal standing in the eyes of God, but the wife still submits to the husband.

5. Once a man has made a decision, can his wife ever question him? Does she always have to agree with him? Can you think of an example?

6. Will the Lord ever want a husband to submit to his wife? (See Ephesians 5:21) Can you think of a good example of this kind of submission?

7. Is there anything from the story of Arthur and Mary that especially speaks to you or challenges you?