• Home
  • Great Ideas for Better Families
    • Great Marriages Don’t Just Happen. . .
    • 21st Century Parenting
    • Resources
      • Preparing to Succeed
      • Knowing Jesus
      • 40 Days of Power
    • Song Lyrics
    • Vision Builder
  • Choosing for Life
  • Intermin en Espanol
    • Disfruten un Matriomonio Maravilloso
    • Padres Positivos
    • Eligiendo Para Toda La Vida
  • 汉语
    • 幸福的婚姻并非偶然发生
    • 积极抚育
    • 选择是很困难的事情吗?
    • 和耶稣 亲密接触
  • 漢語
    • 幸福的婚姻並非偶然發生
    • 積 極撫育
    • 選 擇是很困難的事情嗎?
  • Contact Us

INTERMIN

We help build better lives and families around the world

The ABCs of Healthy Communication

by Mike Constantine

The human body needs basic nutrients to thrive and last. So does your marriage. With these qualities, marriages can thrive. Without them, they die. So, let’s learn our ABCs.

Accept Each Other

Acceptance means taking one another just as you are. The English word even comes from a Latin word that means, literally, to take to oneself. Accepting your spouse doesn’t mean you totally approve of everything he or she does, or the negative ways he or she acts. Acceptance means we’re on the same team, not competitors.

Husbands and wives know their partner’s strengths and weaknesses. Even so, rather than wishing they were married to someone else, they learn to recognize their strengths and build on them, while strengthening their weaknesses. The combination is dynamic and leads to a strong lasting marriage.

Success or failure both depend more on attitude than ability. Sure, other people might have an easier time building a great marriage because they have strengths that you and your spouse don’t naturally possess. But you are not other people. Recognize what your strengths are, and also your weaknesses; work together in mutual acceptance, and your marriage will become healthier.

Believe the Best

Human nature tends to look for the worst and believe the worst. But we chose our beliefs, so believe the best instead.

Suspicion damages many relationships, sometimes beyond repair. If you don’t have solid reasons for your suspicions, dump them.

Have you ever encountered a marriage that was infected with criticism? The children inherit it, and suspicion fills the home like a chilling fog. When that happens, even innocent acts or words take on negative meanings.

Years ago our family lived in Penang. One dark, early morning,  I went to meet a friend. As I waited for him I saw two monkeys on the grass playing with a broken tree limb. As the sun rose I could see that it was really just . . . one monkey. Then, as it got still brighter, I realized that there were . . .  no monkeys. I thought, “That is just how you imagine that people toy with your reputation. But in the light you see how mistaken you were.” Put your unsupported suspicions to rest. Believe the best instead.

Concentrate on Understanding

Understanding requires attentive listening. It’s harder than you think, because most of us spend more energy making our point than understanding someone else. My wife once told me that I was the only person she knew who could leave a room without using the door! Sure, my body was there, but not my mind. My mind was on the next task, the next meeting. If you are like that, start learning how to listen and how to understand. It takes some work, but its worth the work it takes.

Destroy Prejudice

Prejudiced? Me? Actually, most of us are, whether we admit it or not.

Prejudice means making an uninformed judgement. It’s deciding that you don’t like something before you even try it. It’s rejecting an idea because you didn’t think of it. It’s determining that you will not like your husband’s sister before you have had a chance to get to know her. It’s passing judgement on your teenager’s music just because you don’t like the rhythm or volume.

Prejudice blocks understanding. Therefore, prejudiced people live dry, shrunken lives and miss many joys. Prejudiced people use words like, “That’s stupid!” “How dumb!” Open-minded people ask for more information.

Destroy prejudice by refusing to make judgements until you know the facts. Then, allow the facts to convince you and change the way you see. You might discover joys you didn’t know existed, and your partner will feel more valued.

Encourage Openness

You can invite openness, but you can never force it. People are not oysters to be pried open with the edge of a knife. We should respect every person’s right to privacy even if that privacy frustrates the relationship. At the same time, invite openness by showing concern and being trustworthy.

Many spouses do try to force their partners to talk to them, rather than encouraging them to talk. Such forcing breeds resentment and even more silence.

The more I know that I am safe with you, the more I will open up to you. As an ancient proverb says, “A true friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, wheat and weeds mixed together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will sift through it, keeping the wheat and letting the weeds blow away.”

Forgive Impulsiveness

All of us say words we would like to get back, words spoken carelessly or in a moment of frustration.. When your spouse says something of that kind, either let it go or ask for some clarification. Above all, don’t redefine the relationship, or person, because of one unguarded outburst. Would you want to be defined by your worst moments? Of course not.

Grant Grace

Grace is what we need from one another when our worst comes out, not our best. Grace is unearned kindness. In any relationship, grace is an absolute essential, for all of us are difficult to live with at times. When your husband or wife wakes up in a bad mood, you can choose to react negatively or respond positively. Granting grace is the positive response. You need it, so be sure you give it.

Humble Yourself

You cannot humble your spouse or anyone else. You can humiliate that person, making him or her feel small and shameful. Some people have developed that into a real art. But no amount of humiliation will make a person truly humble.

Humbling yourself doesn’t mean that you become a doormat. Humility is simply the difference between reasonableness and stubbornness, between unresolved conflict and agreement.

Now you know your ABCs. Use these building blocks to make a stronger marriage and family.

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: accept, communication, humble, openness, understanding

Search Intermin

Bienvenido a Intermin en Español

Tenemos recursos excelentes acerca de cómo construir matrimonios, hogares y vidas más fuertes, diseñados para ayudarle a usted y a los que usted ama. Español

欢迎来到

欢 迎光临本站!这里有精彩的信息与您共享。我们的宗旨是:为意愿建立更牢固的婚姻、家庭和生活的朋友们提供心贴心的帮助。 本 站的信息将全部免费无偿为您开放。请注意,本站资源均属作者原创,您可以使用站内信息,但前提是不可以用它盈利。 把 它介绍给你的朋友吧,在这里读到的东西也许可以让他们受益终生。 欢迎来到

歡 迎來到

歡 迎光臨本站!這裏有精彩的資訊與您共用。我們的宗旨是:為意願建立更牢固的婚姻、家庭和生活的朋友們提供心貼心的幫助。 本 站的資訊將全部免費無償為您開放。請注意,本站資源均屬作者原創,您可以使用站內資訊,但前提是不可以用它盈利。 把 它介紹給你的朋友吧,在這裏讀到的東西也許可以讓他們受益終生。 歡 迎來到

Copyright © 2023 · Lifestyle Pro Theme On Genesis Framework · WordPress